Coming out of the Clos…. water Closet

urinal
I am opposed to urinals. I refuse to use one.
I know it seems a trivial and silly thing what with all the God-wars, racism, scandals of every kind and the plethora of serious bullshit going on in this crazy world.
But urinals are especially repugnant to me. They are white, sexist, smelly and stupid; like some politicians I know.
I recently had a gig in one of the finer hotels on the planet and I was shocked on entering the men’s room to see a line-up of the most incredible ornate works-of-art urinals I’d ever experienced. Completely appropriate to the rest of the palatial resort. These porcelain and brass monuments to all-male community pissing must have weighted 400lbs each.
I’ve seen a lot of different urinals in my long experience peeing. Sometimes only one….14 feet wide , a trough; sometimes two dozen or the small lone white one installed for guys about 5′ 8″ like me, not for children or really tall men.
But Gothic sculptures or not unless meticulously maintained, as so few are, all urinals are perpetually filthy with the worst filth, and stink to high heaven.
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Of course if we go back to when the Romans ruled and people ate bathed and shat communally, owned slaves, raped their sisters, poisoned their family and genocide their enemies, we think for a moment we can see how it all began. They indeed had community toilets as part of their fantastic water/sewer system. There were urinals in that first real urban city though not as we know them.
But as civilization advanced did the urinal? The Dark Ages, Knights Templar and the rest don’t seem to have continued the Roman tradition. Nope.
It wasn’t until 1846, 1,800 years after Rome burned, that London installed the first city sewer system. But still, civilized modern man didn’t invent the urinal as we know it until 20 years later.
So this practice of social peeing doesn’t seem to have really caught on with humanity until a little more than 100 years ago. But com’on!…
My real complaint is I don’t want to take piss with ten or even one other guy pissing next to me or waiting in line. It strikes me as weird. No; I m not homophobic or anything like that though there is no doubt an aspect of that too in my psyche and urinal reality. Its just frigging weird. The lowest primates and mammals on Earth excrete in private and so do I.